I am committed to something when it becomes part of me. There is no longer a boundary between me and it. I am introduced to that thing as separate entities and move forward as a single entity.
Why should I commit?
I cannot choose not to be me. If I commit to something and it becomes part of me then I can no longer choose it. This makes commitment freeing. I no longer need to evaluate that thing. I no longer need to second guess whether I want that thing in my life. I can take any energy I have been spending on evaluating it and instead spend that energy elsewhere. I can make better decisions once the uncertainty this thing is causing me is gone.
How can I commit?
Commitment is the continual process of self-definition. Every time I choose to make something part of my experience, I am committing to it.
I can wake up next to my partner every day and choose a life with them or I can be with them by default. The first will build strong commitment because it is active. The second will not because it is passive.
If I see myself as something that continually changes and grows then I will have an easier time accepting a new commitment into my life. But if I see myself as static and unchanging, a new commitment can look like a threat.
How does commitment go wrong?
Commitment itself is neutral. It is a tool I can use. But like all tools, it can be misused. When I commit to things that I am not internally aligned with it will cause me stress. Commitment also changes who I am. It gives me the power to change my identity in ways that I regret.
When should I commit?
If I am having uncertainty in my life that is causing me problems, commitment is a way out. Commitment is continual, so I always have the option to change the commitment though it may not be quick or painless.
Very interesting!